In all professions there is a typical 90-day performance evaluation for all new employees. It’s a chance to review with them their strengths and weaknesses and if they aren’t working out, a chance for the employer to get rid of them before they do too much damage.
I see no reason home life can’t be like this as well. My son Tristan’s 90 days are up so I thought it was time to bring him in the office to talk about his future.
I thought it would be good to start with a compliment sandwich. That’s where you say something nice about the employee, followed by an area that needs improvement, and is capped off by another positive. I told him that first that he has a very nice laugh. I followed with the truth, the diaper thing is gross and needs to addressed, and finished by letting him know that I like all the smiles he gives in the mornings.
We then got into the tough part of the meeting. I said “Tristan, I need to be honest with you about your job performance. Since joining the house you have been a major disruption to myself and the other staff. Your crying and general fussiness is unacceptable. Also your constant need for attention and supervision is making it hard for others to concentrate and do their own jobs effectively. Furthermore, you are taking casual Fridays to a new low with your footie pajamas and ducky t-shirts.”
I could see he was uncomfortable being put in the hot seat like this but I had to press on. There are 4 categories that an employee can fall into. As of right now Tristan is falling into the high input, low output bucket and is a loss leader for the company. To add to that I have looked over the balance sheet and since his arrival, our operating cash flow has plummeted due to increased overhead and day-to-day expenses. It seems that with him on board everything from utilities to employee heath care has gone up.
Now given all of that I know the right decision to make would be to give him the ax and have him pack up his desk. But I’m not completely heartless. It’s only been 90 days. It takes most others years before they can get along with me……..so I decided to keep him. But with two conditions. First being that as soon as possible he begin potty training and the other being that he learn Mandarin. (This will be important when we are all living in “New China”)
With any luck, someday I will be able to transform him into the ideal employee who will work hard and produce results (I’ll settle for a hiking buddy that cuts the lawn and shovels snow).
disclaimer, I understand that my son is not a real employee that I can not hire or fire at will. Though it is fun to think about him in a little suit being grilled over his job performance.